Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

Twice a year the Visiting Nurse Association holds a huge rummage sale just down the road from me. It’s seriously massive. They collect items for several weeks with an army of volunteers sorting and displaying them in a pop-up village of tents, each labeled with the “department” name. The sale itself draws people from everywhere, and you need to arrive early to get the best deals.

When we first moved to the area, I would get in line before opening at the toys tent to try to snag Christmas or birthday gifts for my kids. I’d sip my coffee and chat with the other deal seekers. Each year I’d meet a new teacher from out of state who was there to purchase for their classroom. We’d chat until the line opened – and then we’d start the frantic race with everyone else to find the items that we didn’t know we wanted. It was great fun, and it also meant my kids always had some new-to-them toys or games that I wouldn’t have spent the money on at retail price.

After the toy tent, I’d head to the children’s tent, where I bought shoes and clothes that I knew they’d grow out of in a hot minute. Then sporting goods – I’d stock up on the next three sizes of cleats at $4 per pair – and books, where I spent the most time because we loved new stories in our house. Getting the deals meant knowing the ins and outs of the sale, including the sweet spot for when to arrive and wait for it to open.

As the years have progressed, I used the sale to clean out my house more than I did to fill it. I’ve gotten into a routine of doing a purge in the early spring and then again in the fall. The lines to donate, however, are just as long as the lines to purchase, and I’ve figured out that in order to minimize my time spent in line, it’s best to go mid-week about two weeks into collection, right as they open in the morning.

Normally, I wouldn’t take my donations on opening day because I know that the line is always long, and I usually have somewhere to be. But, I had nothing but time in front of me yesterday, and I had a room full of stuff to purge.

That’s right. A room full.

For the last year, I’ve been gently nudging my kids to start editing their collections. Each of their rooms had become an unorganized museum of their lives that included clothes that were too small, toys that hadn’t been played with for years, mementos of trips and events they couldn’t identify, and gifts and other items that they might use sometime eventually. As a person who likes organization but cannot manage to keep my office or bedroom tidy, I didn’t hassle my kids over the years to keep their rooms pristine. I never lost my cool unless we realized we didn’t have enough cups in the kitchen cabinet – at which point I knew to scold my son for hoarding them in his room. Every so often, I’d dig in and do a deep purge with each of them, donating clothes that were too small and toys they didn’t want anymore, but for the most part, I let them keep what they wanted to keep and live in the space that made them feel comfortable.

However, I knew that the transition to college meant that they were going to need to do a pretty deep analysis of what they owned, what they wanted to take with them, and what could be tossed or donated. We got serious about this work in the lead up to college departure, and by the time we were done, we had about ten bags of clothes and shoes and a few boxes of toys and household items for me to take to the VNA sale this fall. A pile has been sitting in my office, waiting for the donation lines to open.

Then, last weekend, as I faced the first full day without anything scheduled in a very long time, I looked at the list of “empty-nester tasks” I had started and decided to clean out the garage. This was the day after The Queens Adventure, and I probably should have just lounged around and rested. Instead, I got up early, went to the gym, and decided to purge 18-years worth of sports equipment and yard games.

As the donation pile started to exceed the keep pile, I realized I was going to lose my parking spot if I waited to donate everything to the VNA sale. So I started posting things on our local Buy Nothing Group, and by the end of the day, I had dissolved almost the entire pile, and it felt good!

By the end of the Labor Day weekend, I had loaded up the SUV with all of the bags and boxes that had been sitting in my office, as well as the items left from the garage purge. I was ready to take everything to VNA – on donation opening day, when I had another Saturday of nothing but time in front of me. The car looked like I was moving two kids into college, not like was I was cleaning out their rooms!

I had considered waiting until a weekday when I could manipulate my work-from-home schedule to do what I usually do and drop everything off relatively quickly. I figured I would spend Saturday morning tackling something else on the clean, purge, and fix list. However, as a friend rightly pointed out, if I burn through that list too fast, I’m going to end up with way more time to fill than I want.

So after the morning gym and a coffee with friends, I took my full car to the drop-off line – and filled time for an hour while I waited my turn to unload. And the purge felt good.