November was a full month. Between visiting my kids at their respective colleges and my professional commitments, I had little time to fill. In fact, this year I backed off of some volunteer commitments that normally fill my time Thanksgiving weekend simply because I knew I could not physically (nor mentally) handle them.
I also gave myself permission not to have Thanksgiving.
For most of my adult life, Thanksgiving has been a holiday that has not consumed my time and energy in terms of planning and execution. I attend a professional conference the weekend before the holiday, where I typically present multiple sessions and participate in many meetings. The four days of the conference are long ones, and by the time I get home late Sunday night or sometime on Monday, I’m beat. Since my students also need my attention, especially after having been away from campus for a few days, the short week before Thanksgiving is filled with professional obligations. I have never had the capacity to plan a meal or to host family. On Thanksgiving, we travelled to others who took care of the prep work.
This year, however, my kids would be home for only a few days, and they wanted to be in their own beds with opportunities to see their hometown friends. Of course, they also wanted to see their grandparents, who are important influences in their lives.
I struggled with what to do. How could I maintain my sanity – and quite frankly, my physical health – if I did what I said I would never do and host everyone on Thanksgiving? How could I give everyone what they wanted and still relish in the short time I had with both kids in the house?
The tension between “mom who gives” and “mom who needs” was palpable as I went back and forth in my head about what to do. And then I let it all go and gave myself permission not to have Thanksgiving. Instead, I’d take that day off completely – no work and no family responsibilities and absolutely no kitchen prep – and come up with another way to bring people together.
Common politeness in American society requires people to ask, “How was your Thanksgiving?” And with each time I was asked, I was able to answer completely honestly, “It was great. I did absolutely nothing!” In reality, my daughter and I went to see Wicked: For Good while my son and husband watched Stranger Things. We ate whatever each of us found in the fridge or freezer and just turned our brains off for the day. Both kids needed it. My husband and I needed it. And we were thankful for the low-key holiday.
Of course, the next morning we were out of the house at 8:15 to head to the Christmas tree farm for our annual family adventure, and I spent the day prepping for the Friendsgiving we planned for Saturday that would bring some of the kids’ close friends, some of my husband’s and my sideline parent crew, and all the grandparents together to celebrate the season. By then, I had the energy to prep. And it was good to fill time with my kids in the house, celebrating the start of the holiday season.
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