Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

I am a bicentennial baby, so this is my year of 50, and in January I decided that part of how I would honor it was by intentionally cultivating female friendships outside of my work life. Each month, I want to mark this year not just by celebrating the number, but by deepening connections with women who know me, challenge me, and make room for honesty.

There’s a lot to be said about the “76” of it all, the reasons to celebrate, and the reasons to relish in the ideals of the founders. That’s not my purpose in celebrating my 50th, but it is worth thinking about as I intentionally make connections this year. After all, the ideals of my homeland are about honoring the humanity of every person. Though the origins of the country did not live up to that ideal, the documents that lay the foundation also allow for us to grow into it. We cannot grow into the ideal if we don’t make connections with others.

So, for my 50th, I want to embrace the ideal and make connections, specifically with women, as this has always been a challenge point for me. Perhaps more to come on this topic – but I didn’t have an easy childhood or adolescence, mostly because — people can be (perhaps are inclined to be) mean. So this year, as part of filling time, I want to cultivate friendships with females who are in my orbit.

Last week, I had dinner with a friend I’ve known for years but had never actually shared a one-on-one dinner with. It was lovely in the truest sense of the word. We made each other think. We laughed. We talked about our kids, but more importantly, we talked about ourselves: who we are as women, how our identities have shifted, what it means to carry careers, ambition, and selfhood at this stage of life. I told her about my “year of 50” intention and thanked her for helping me kick it off.

At one point she said, “At this age, we just have to cut through the bullshit. There’s no time for it anymore.” Her honesty landed. I’ve been navigating female-relationship-bullshit my entire life. As I turn the corner on 50, there’s no time for it anymore.

Years ago, a friend told me that when she became an empty nester, she decided to be deliberate about the friendships she cultivated. I’ve carried that idea with me for a while. Now, in my year of 50, I want to put it into practice. I want to choose connection with purpose, honesty without performance, and relationships that make room for my whole, evolving self.

This year, I’m celebrating 50 by cutting through the bullshit—and leaning into cultivating friendships that will matter for the next few decades. I can only hope that as my country celebrates the 250th, the same intention resonates.