Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

I didn’t think that filling time by sitting on the couch would be fulfilling. But after two weeks of travel, it’s what I needed. I was worn down from days spent moving from hotel rooms to sleeping on a blow up mattress at my brother’s, and after the “two planes, three trains, and an automobile” adventure to get home during a blizzard, my half-century body gave in. I got sick.

As I returned home, my son texted to say his Friday class got cancelled, and he was trying to take an earlier train home for spring break. I literally got giddy with excitement. Originally, I wasn’t really going to see him. He and my husband had planned a long-awaited spring break trip because, as a baseball player, he had not had the opportunity to really enjoy spring break during high school. He was always at the school, even while his friends (and twin sister) had time away. Even though they both pressured me to join them in their short getaway, I knew that I couldn’t. I couldn’t sneak another few days away from work after being remote for two weeks.

So I resigned myself to missing my kiddo while he had his adventure with his dad. Which is why it was so much sweeter when he said he was coming home early! Unfortunately, I got hit with a bug, which limited my capacity to “play,” but I did enjoy his presence before the two of them set off on their bonding adventure.

I was filled with multiple emotions – grateful to be in his presence when I didn’t expect it; jealous that they were headed to warmer weather and a true vacation; and an overwhelming feeling of loss, or as I expressed to them, “missing you.”

In reality, after I got past all of that, I dug into my status of “solo lady” (different from single lady, to be sure). This shift was made easier because I physically felt like crap. There’s not a lot I can say about filling time other than that I did what needed to be done, what couldn’t be put off, and what made me forget how bad I was feeling while I was sick. The couch and I became intimate. The phone and I became friends. I conquered many levels in my stupid game, and I accomplished what needed to be accomplished – and nothing more – at work.

I had alone time while also navigating what it truly means to be alone.

I’m still taking it all in and reflecting on what it means. But I think what I ultimately learned is that I need some alone time – with no commitments, no expectations, no mundane tasks, and no freezing weather. I have experienced this kind of time in my past – on the lake, in particular – and it’s becoming clearer to me what makes it all worth filling my time.