Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

The next stage of TwinLife

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    • Wonderbread

      Wonderbread

      About six months ago I told my husband that we should plan a weekend away after we dropped our second twin at college. I knew that we would need some time to process our emotions before we walked into our very quiet house. I wrote many years ago about how I tend to look into the future while my husband tends to wait until the future hits him in the face. Not much has changed since then. He pretty much ignored my suggestion, and I started asking my girlfriends to help me plan a weekend away in September.

      Then, our kids turned 18, and the countdown to sending them both to college became a week, as compared to months. The future was staring at him, and he started to understand how empty our house was going to feel.

      He decided to find us a resort for the weekend, a way for us to fill time between dropping off our son and going back to work on Monday. Let’s face it, it was also so we could delay the inevitable wallop to our hearts when we returned home to an empty house. So we stopped at a nice place on the way home, overcompensating for our emotional state by opening the wallet. It was a beautiful place in a quaint little town, the perfect weekend escape. We were able to hike, visit a winery, and generally enjoy each other’s company.

      Because it was a last minute decision, we were limited in options for our dinner reservation on Friday night. The hotel restaurant – a fancy-pants dining experience – could seat us at 5PM. So we took it, embracing our exhaustion as well as our steps toward “senior” living. We joked with each other as we sat, alone, in the restaurant, and appreciated the accommodations the chef could make for our gluten free needs. As a few other early diners started to fill the space, we noticed the bread trays passing by our table. The warm rolls and corn bread looked delicious, and we wondered what the gluten free option would be. We have been to many restaurants that have figured out how to do GF rolls pretty well, and we were expecting a nice surprise.

      Well, we definitely got a surprise!

      We couldn’t stop laughing the rest of the weekend about the Wonderbread that the chef rolled out. This is gluten free living.

      As we sat together after dinner that first night, I created a TwinLife group chat for the four of us to communicate, and then my husband starting spamming our kids with pictures, including asking “Was it Colonel Mustard in the conservatory? Or was it Mom in the library?” To which our daughter almost immediately responded, “Mom did it.”

      I scolded my husband in the chat for spamming the kids, and our fun family banter continued for a few minutes before I made him put his phone away. We both let the chat sit for the rest of the evening while the kids went about their lives. The next morning we woke up to find that they had continued our family’s sarcastic banter later that night, giving us a glimpse into how they were filling their time, even as we wonder(bread) how to fill ours.

    • FillingTime

      FillingTime

      18 years ago my TwinLife journey began, and now it’s time to start a new one. As we drove back home from dropping our daughter off at college, my husband and I made the decision to stop for dinner. “There’s nothing at home for us,” I said. He knew I meant both the quiet of our house and the emptiness of our fridge. “We need to waste time.”

      “I prefer to think of it as filling time,” he said.

      And so it is. The next chapter is about FillingTime, though I know it will be so much more than just filling time. As we figure out the proverbial “empty-nester life,” I want to fill my time with purpose and passion.

      I’m just not quite sure what that entails… yet.

      On the way home from the gym the other morning I heard Ben Rector’s song “Drive.” I immediately sent it to my husband and said, “This might be our new anthem.”

      When’s the last time we dropped our things and went?
      Woke up somewhere that we’ve both never been?
      Growin’ up doesn’t mean gettin’ older
      Maybe it’s just left turns off familiar streets
      I just wanna come back with a memory
      Growin’ up doesn’t mean gettin’ older
      I don’t care
      Anywhere
      Like a river connects to the ocean
      This pavement touches wherever we go, and
      White lines flyin’ by, who knows what we’ll find
      You and me tonight
      Let’s drive

      Today we dopped off our son (the second in a week and the last of our kids to head off to college), and as I hugged him goodbye, I couldn’t help but hold back the tears until he walked away completely.

      The twin-sized hole in my heart burst open – even as I was so sure that his path was perfect for him, just as my daughter’s was for her. I couldn’t be happier for them to move forward, even as I’m a bit lost about where my path will lead.

      It’s not easy to suddenly pivot from the purpose of rearing kids. TwinLife for us meant we only got to see every stage once; we only had one time to get it right or blow it without the benefit of hindsight and experience. For that I am actually grateful, because it helped me to slow down and savor each stage. But it also means we feel this moment doubly. And I’m not gonna lie – it’s a lot.

      It’s a new stage to savor – and to wonder in – and, sometimes, to fear, even as we hope.

      And so we drive ahead, FillingTime. This blog begins the journey of TwinLife as an empty-nester. Feel free to read my last journey at TwinLife: Having it All to set the stage for what is yet to come.