Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

I am not a cat person. Or a dog person. My husband and I both had – and loved – pets as kids, but we made the intentional decision not to bring pets into TwinLife. Managing two stressful jobs as well as twin schedules meant we wouldn’t have the time for an animal that it deserved. Our kids both wished we had a pet, but they also don’t know the responsibility involved in being a pet owner. They have loved my parents’ cats in lieu of having their own.

My parents currently have two cats, Leo and Linus, who were adopted as a bonded pair from a cat rescue near where they live. Leo is a happy cat, always ready to cuddle, who loves to eat. In fact, my parents had to develop a routine where the two cats ate separately so that he didn’t steal all the food. Since he has an orange-colored coat, I’ve called him Garfield more than once, joking that he is always eating.

Linus, on the other hand, is incredibly anxious. He rarely comes out when we are visiting, though my daughter has become a cat whisperer who can lure him out of hiding. She feeds him earwax to get him to warm up to her. Yup, apparently this is a thing.

Over the years I’ve found it easier to connect with Leo, understandably since Linus avoids me (and everyone), but to be honest, I’m an ambivalent big sister. The cats exist. My parents love them. I tolerate them. It was similar when my brother showed up five years into my life.

Unlike my brother, who has become a pretty cool human over the years, the cats remain cats. And as I led off in this post – I am not a cat person. Therefore, it’s kind of surprising that I just spent three and a half days hanging out with Linus and Leo, filling time.

A few weeks ago my parents had to take Leo to the emergency vet because he was not urinating. This started a harrowing time for them that included cat surgery, multiple vet visits, daily medication, and a new diet. I am not going to even try to explain what is wrong with the cat. The important part of this story is that it is crucial to monitor whether Leo urinates right now.

As this situation unfolded, my mom mentioned to me that she might not be able to take the trip she and my dad had planned to see longtime friends across the country. Because all of them had been dealing with health issues but were healthy enough right now to visit, this was an important connection point for them. My mom was going to make the sacrifice and let my dad do the visiting so that she could stay home to take care of Leo. Though she had worked it out with the vet that Leo could stay with them during the work week, she did not have a plan for the weekend, when the facility wasn’t open. Because of the complicated nature of his care, she didn’t feel comfortable having her regular pet caretaker fill in.

As I listened, I realized two things: (1) it was really important that Leo pee every day and that someone monitored it so that if he didn’t go, he could be rushed to the emergency vet, and (2) I literally had nothing on my calendar the weekend she needed coverage, and I could easily work from “home” (my childhood home) Thursday and Friday to make the situation easier on them.

For the first time in 18 years, I was able to drop everything (and by everything, I mean the nothing that I had to do) and help my parents – who had been doing this constantly for me over my life, but especially since the kids were born.

So for the last three and half days, I’ve been making sure Leo pees and doing my best to coax Linus into thinking I’m an ok human. So far, I’ve been successful in both goals! I’m really proud that Linus approached me today while I was sitting in my dad’s chair, and asked me to pet him and rub his belly. He’s still scared, but he’s been visible every day I’ve been in the house. And I didn’t even need to resort to earwax.

I’ve really enjoyed the time alone in a place full of quiet nature. I decided to call this long weekend a “writing and yoga retreat.”

I didn’t actually do any yoga – though I did do long walks every day. Today I saw a caravan of Amish buggies passing me by as they went to Sunday service at my parent’s next door neighbors, and I reveled in the location and peacefulness that is very different from where I currently live. However, I haven’t been as productive as I imagined on the writing front. I’ve been more occupied caring for the cats than I have been sitting at my computer. It’s hard work, making friends with felines. And it’s not necessarily work I love. I have moved the needle from toleration to appreciation for these siblings of mine, but I still prefer my brother (and it’s not even close).

The things I’ve enjoyed about the cats:

• They clearly love each other, and love always makes me happy.
• Their personalities
• Their acceptance of me

The things I don’t like doing for the cats:

• Feeding them
• Cleaning their litter
• Making sure they aren’t getting into “off-limits” places by keeping doors shut
• Giving them medicine
• Generally, keeping them alive (meaning I don’t like the anxiety I feel in making sure they are safe)

And this is how I know that I definitely won’t be filling time as an empty-nester by getting a pet. I’ll stick with humans.

On a fun note, I did get to spend some human time reconnecting with high school friends during this low-key trip to my hometown. Sharing laughs together after decades apart gave me some insight into additional possibilities for filling time in the future. More to come!