Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

There are moments in life that invite us to stop, look at the path we’re on, and ask, “If I’m not doing my current job, then what?” For those of us in higher education, it’s a societal moment as we face an uncertain future. For people celebrating a milestone birthday, it’s a natural time to take stock. For parents entering empty-nesting, it’s part of the need for an evolving identity.  

I am sitting at the intersection of these three identities right now.

My answer to the question, “If not this job, then what” has always been rooted in humor. “A party planner,” I say with a smile, “except I don’t want to work nights and weekends all the time.” 

I have a sticky note on my computer at home that says, “You are good at bringing people together. Do it.” The note reminds me that I am, in fact, good at producing an event. I enjoy the organization, but even more, I love the execution of figuring out how to get people who don’t know one another talking, laughing, and perhaps making a connection they otherwise never would have made. Seeing people interacting, happy and animated gives me a natural high. 

If I look back on my younger self, I’m surprised that party planning is something that has become part of my identity. I am an introvert, and I’m not especially comfortable walking into a room and making conversation. But over the years, I’ve realized that being an introvert is not the same as wanting to be alone. Human connection fuels me. I host events that bring people together, not because I want to be the center of attention, but because I enjoy creating spaces where others can connect. That part of my identity has shaped my professional life: at work I create programs, workshops, and communities that give people reasons to come together. And it has also shaped my personal life: how I have gotten involved in my community and how my family has always opened our home to others.

My husband and I used to entertain regularly. In fact, we created spaces in our basement “pub” and backyard that were intended for gathering. Similarly, I used to organize monthly Girls’ Night Out (GNO) Gives Back events that brought women together for an evening of socialization, conversation, and giving back to local charities. Over the years, however, our lives focused more on work and the kids, and our energy for hosting parties focused on our adult friendships waned. 

I miss the “bar parties” of our past. I miss GNO. And now that the kids are off to college, I even miss the egg hunts, where I filled about 1000 eggs and spread them across my lawn, and the various other kinds of parties I planned for and with my children over the years. Party planning was always a lot of work – but it held a lot of reward for me.

On Sunday I turned 50, a milestone that I felt was worth celebrating, especially as it fell toward the end of my year of writing about FillingTime and in the heart of my transition at work. My week was filled with preparation for a party that my family had planned for me. Sadly, we had to cancel the party due to the threat of severe storms. It was a hard decision, one that affected me deeply because the event represented something I had been truly missing – bringing my friends together in my home. 

Despite the disappointment, my weekend turned out pretty perfect all the same. I spent time with my family eating cake, playing “evil” Uno (as my son has dubbed the game Uno No Mercy), and laughing at the picture board my mom put together of all my hairstyles from 1976 – 2026. Then I spent time chatting with my girlfriends, who showed up with mimosas the morning after the cancelled party, just to make sure I celebrated. People still came together, smiled, and made connections. It was good.

Maybe “party planner” isn’t my real answer to “If not an educator or academic, then what?” But creating spaces where people connect is almost certainly part of it. As I round the bend into the second half of my first century (I plan to live to at least 102), I want to make more room for that part of myself. I have spent enough time missing it. Now I need to follow the instruction on my sticky note: Do it.