Filling Time: TwinLife Empty-Nesting

I spent four days last week immersed in work. It was mentally taxing, and by the time Thursday night came around, I had used up most of my mental capacity. I really needed the weekend to recover. 

Music is part of who we are as a family. When I went to college, my dad jokingly told me to find a guy with a big CD collection. Ironically, my guy was still playing cassette tapes, but he did love music. He could name virtually any singer or band of any song we heard, and it became my family’s joke that he would be their “phone-a-friend” for music trivia. When Jeff Probst hosted Rock & Roll Jeopardy for a short time, we watched with my husband in his element.

When the kids came along, music became even more important. Whether is was music at bedtime or dancing in the kitchen, my daughter always asked, “Tunes, Daddy” with the joy only a young child brings to the world. Though I shared singing and performing with my children, my husband shared their generation’s version of the mixed-tape: playlists. They have curated our “party list” to about 1000 songs, and they love talking about music in the backyard, in the car, or generally anywhere.

When my daughter was nine, my husband took her to her first concert – The Killers. He loves to tell the story about how everyone was high fiving her. Since then, he has taken both the kids to numerous concerts and supported their ticket purchasing power at many more. All three of them definitely enjoy live music.

I like it too, but it’s not something I love. Unless I know enough of the words to sing along, I get bored, and there are very few bands or artists that inspire me to listen on repeat enough for my brain to absorb the songs. Because my brain works differently than the rest of my family’s, I’m usually not in the mix when we talk about concert lineups. This summer had a long list of possibilities, but only one that everyone said, “Mom, you should definitely go to this one!” 

So months ago, we coordinated with family friends to take everyone to see Train, Barenaked Ladies, and Matt Nathanson. I was even on board! Still, for a variety of reasons, we talked about it much longer than we acted on it. By Thursday night, we still hadn’t bought tickets for the Friday show. My daughter had decided to go on a trip with a friend, so was no longer available, my husband was ambivalent about it, and similarly, there were some hiccups with our friends’ schedules. I was ready to just abandon the idea and sleep off the long week at work!

BUT – this is my year of yes, and ultimately we went to the concert. Sometimes the things that almost don’t happen turn out to be exactly what you need. I was completely relaxed in the space of the music, and I knew more of the songs than I realized I would. Each one seemed to carry a memory with it, and I loved my internal reminiscence with the external joy of the concert goers. The music belonged to different years and different versions of me, but somehow all of those versions were there together, singing along on a summer night with people I love.

It was pure joy.

Earlier in the week, my son had texted to ask if we could go to a Mets game while his girlfriend was visiting. My husband, a die-hard Mets fan who takes every disappointing season personally, did not immediately jump on board. I did. After months of trying to coordinate four increasingly independent lives, I recognized the invitation for what it was: a chance to spend time together.

So all five of us headed to Citi Field, where we relaxed in the sunshine, took pictures with Mr. and Mrs. Met, ate a bucket of pickles, and cheered as the underdogs (our team) took the game. 

The car ride home from Queens is always more joyful when the Mets win, so we were all in a pretty good mood. As we chatted, I told them there was a lot to write about for the blog this week and that I already knew what I wanted to title it: “Pure Joy.”

The title wasn’t only about the Mets game. It was the entire weekend: live music and baseball, old friends and new additions, smiles from strangers, cider in the sunshine and singing songs I have loved for years. I have spent a lot of time lately wondering how I want to fill the next stage of my life. Last weekend offered a beautifully simple answer. Fill it with the people who make you laugh. Say yes when your children ask to spend time with you. Buy the concert tickets. Go to the game. Find the joy by making it happen.